day 4

why does it seems like life has been unfair to me??? there are only few things ive always dreamt of and most likely none would come true..

i wait for you day and night not knowing if youre coming back... it hurts more as days go by... i hate myself for this...

day 3

its the 3rd day... and the feeling hasnt changed a bit... chest pains, i cant barely breathe.... i waited to shouted, i wanted to get drunk or smoke a pack of cigarrette just to release this...  i have realized today that i have my faults and that i needed to do something about it... how will i start?? im hurt.. hurting tremendously..

day 2

the feelings hasnt changed... the pain is extreme, it be  feels like hell still... oh dear God help me to overcome this give me strength to surpass what i am going through....

i was able to share to my close friends but i cant share all the emotions i feel inside,,, i know they feel for me ...


i made it to work but still spaced out...

how???

day 1

today i woke up still feeling devastated and experiencing chest pains. there are so many questions in my heart. i have concluded that yes its true that love hurts. it can destroy you and your whole being. spending years with someone and suddenly waking up you have lost the person is disaster. it kills me... makes me weap because everywhere i look it reminds me of him. i hate myself because i cannot fight the feeling

yesterday i almost got hit by a car crossing the street spaced out doesn't help.. i try to be strong. i dont wanna discuss these things to any of my friends. i dont want them see me mourn but God please help me. the whole day at work i have been a pain in the ass.

i hurt, i extremely hurt. i wanna heal, i want to forget, i wanna move on because i know you wont come back ever again.. how can i start? how do i deal with myself? how will i answer the thousand whys in me?

tears

it hurts like hell,,,, you want to mourn,,, but you have no choice but to take and accept the decision

my dear mentor

i got home earlier than the usual but the same working hours ... i worked for 13 hours today. my toes are aching and my legs are tired..  my journey to this new position is absolutely challenging, in most days i would be horrible being labelled as the dragon lady... yes i do take my accountability seriously but just recently my mentor died. i feel devastated and disappointed...


so it has been rough in the last couple of days...  from that time i saw him on coma he has never left my mind, daily i would recall how he has treated me well as part of his training team.. he would make insulting jokes but i never get offended... he was very graceful in delivering hurtful words that you might find funny because you know he dont mean it.. he would compliment me with my nice bags... well, i couldnt blame him because until his last breath he didnt reveal his true sexuality... seeing him laying in the ICU bed tore my heart into bits and pieces,, i cried and talked to him silently and hoping he would wake up evenif i know that he wont. that night i dreamt of him, he talked to me in my dreams saying all is gonna be fine... i told him how i am happy to have known him and loved him as my director for training...

with that incident i learned one thing, life is really too short... no matter how great you are in the system ,,, once you died all that left are memories..  live life, enjoy life and love life... i miss you

Just me

I am just me.. Not a special creation but simply me. If I can't give you all that you wanted theres nothing more that I can offer. Its very sad...

Crossroads

Left??? Right??? Straight or Back up???

When you know you have done wrong in the past and currently your experiencing a dose of your own medicine you just cant help but feel helpless. Blame, guilt and resentment.   Blame is what you feel towards the person after the hardship you've been through, everything will simply crash. You feel guilty because you know somehow you have been to that road before and suddenly you are back once again. Resentment the mere fact that you felt that all will turn out just fine you discover too many ghosts in the past. 

Growing up like other girls I'm dreaming of a fairy tale. Believer of happily ever after and fairy godmothers. Sad but true life isn't like that. It more harsh than you can imagine. It wasn't fair after all and more often than not road seems so narrow than you expected. 

I'm at the crossroad trying to figure out which way should I go.  I feel lost and needed to be guided however, all my life I've been so weak but its time to make a stand.

its true....

missing you alot

im done

im done,,, thank you

Nothing's Gonna Stop us Now

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that Ive found
Is too good to be true
Standing here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart that Im feeling for you

Let em say were crazy, I dont care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby
Dont ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if were heart to heart
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us now
Im so glad I found you
Im not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what Im gonna do

Let em say were crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby
Dont ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if were heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever, ever and ever, hey

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us
Nothings gonna stop us, whoa
Nothings gonna stop us now, oh no

Hey baby, I know, hey baby, nothings gonna stop us
Hey baby, woo, nothing, hey baby
Nothings gonna stop us now yeah

    i believe in us... our time will come.. faith... im keeping the faith...

Safe And Sound - Taylor Swift (LYRiCS)

i like listening to this song evenif its a sad one..

my evolution

this is taken around 2007, sweet and simple








in 2008 when i found out that eating is a great past time..lol







i look bloated in 2009 during an event at work





tanner one summer in 2010

 innocent look last year,, 2011  lol



with metal brace taken  this year 2012... eewww




so what do you think??? omg im getting older....

Simple Plan ft. K'naan - Summer Paradise - Lyrics HD

lets spend another summer paradise

soon

a new place to discover and a wonderful time to share to build deeper relationship... its you

another paradise

a taste of paradise, do you remember??? such a fantastic experience shared..  I'm so lucky and happy because I have been so blessed.. nothing more could i ask for but to give thanks and share!!! 

Rihanna - California King Bed

very soon i will be in that california king bed... such a wonderful feeling to have something to look forward to.. i hate the distance.. : (

Halo

You're everything that i want baby.. im surrounded by your embrace..

a woman's dream

yes.. yes... a woman's dream is for the guys to experience the pain of giving birth.. lol

so what you think??? 

rainbow

after the rain here comes the rainbow... thank you for putting shades of color to my life. soon.. very soon.

one of my coolest picture being an assistant manager... in 2 weeks il be leaving the training side of McD and will go back to the world of OPS...

NEIL YOUNG HARVEST MOON

from the movie "eat, pray and love" reminds me of someone...

I Just Can't Stop Loving You with Lyrics by Michael Jackson

You Know How I Feel
This Thing Can't Go Wrong
I Can't Live My Life
Without You

like this beautiful sunset being blocked by the leaves, we come to a point in our lives wherein everything seems so perfect but yet its obscure. like the rain on a Sunday morning..

you cut, you bleed. you get hurt and you cry.

some may not comprehend why a person cries but I am hurt thats why I cry. :(  

Beyoncé - If I Were a Boy (I am... Yours DVD)

      but i am just a girl

http://youtu.be/HCjALaD-K2Q

but i am just a girl

its a gloomy saturday morning....

bad shot

city view from my room during one of my classes... that traffic is all day

5 great years, 10 thousand miles apart, over 15 digits to dial & one click over the net

 i miss you

sexy me..lol

beautiful mornings... thanks for the photo...

Michael Buble - Always On My Mind - Lyrics

im not a good photographer but i love going to nice places.. this is taken one sunday afternoon.. :)

one of my  fave vacay pics... love it... i really do... you know who.  :)

the tannest that i can be.. sharing one special sunset..

my cup of cappuccino

onr of my favorite thing in the world a cup of cappuccino... although this was doesnt have the perfect froth.. love it , love it with my brown coffee.. its my excellent way to start my day before working..  

a piece of paradise

brings so much good memories... i wanna go back here

i love you sunset :)

 this is your sunset, beautiful

this is our sunset, its magical...

i dont really know whats about dusk ... as a child i hate it when it gets dark, it means i had to stop playing with my friends. means you have to clean up for dinner and an hour or 2 for bed... now as an adult i look forward  to it. it gives me so much joy if i can be at home before dark and just stare at it and get lost

5 years after

5 years have gone by.... wow... im glad to be alive and happy... but this time i plan to write more about me and share it to people like you.. it may be partly boring but can be exciting at times too..  see yah!!!